PLUNGES

About half-way into my second trip to Mexico, I realized that my fascination with the country was turning into something more. My original goal of wanting to learn Spanish to work with Latino communities in the States was somewhat complete. After three months in Guatemala and another three in Mexico, I was definitely well on my way to fluency, but I wasn't satisfied. Just learning Spanish wasn't enough for me. Ever since my trip to Asia, years before, with the boy who broke my heart, I had dreamed about living in another country. I had entertained the idea of joining the Peace Corps, teaching English in Japan or Korea, but before going to Latin America, living in a foreign land always seemed like just a fantasy.

Choosing to live in another country is no easy decision. It's hard to imagine leaving behind all the comforts of home. There are questions of living arrangements, language barriers and generally feeling like a stranger in a strange land. I have to admit, the fear of loneliness was what kept me from seriously considering moving abroad. Instead, I chose to go to Guatemala for three months, with a mission to learn Spanish. I thought three months would be enough time to indulge my foreign fantasies, but I left the Mayan land wanting more. I wasn't sure if it was the amount of time or the country itself that left me wanting, so I went to Mexico for another three months to continue my Spanish studies.

Mexico was definitely an entirely different place from Guatemala. I was immediately enchanted. The restlessness that had become a chronic condition through my college and post-college years was quelled by everything Mexican. The richness of the history, the poetry of the language, the diversity of the culture was thrilling and new. What really hooked me though was the heat of the climate, the warmth of the people, the passion. After three months of being charmed by adventure, travel and fresh experiences, I really didn't know what I was going home to.

"Home" for six years had been Seattle and I was going back to a life I had left behind in flux. My friends had all moved to their parents' houses or were married or starting their careers. All that I had that was tangible was my car packed with what was left of my stuff and the reminder of a broken heart I had hoped to heal by leaving in the first place. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. I knew what I didn't want to do with my life. Once on US soil, my restlessness took over. Monotony and bills and desk jobs and the same old drama all seemed like an immediate death sentence. Traveling had changed me and with it came an oppressive sense of loneliness. Seattle was cold, rainy and everything reminded me of the boy I had loved deeply, who never loved me back. Suddenly, my worst fear confronted me. I was utterly alone.

Within a week of returning to Seattle, I had decided to take the plunge and move to Mexico. During my recent trip, I had met some cool people in the equally cool city of Oaxaca. It was a hip, semi-touristy colonial town with Spanish schools and volunteer opportunities. I wanted to take advantage of my youth and live my dreams in the moments that I conceived them. I was twenty-five and I didn't want to wait until I was old or retired to take advantage of life. I wanted the rush of discovery and the thrill of passion. I wanted art, music, dancing, and love.

So, I spent a week saying good-bye to the Pacific Northwest, tying up loose ends and I drove half-way across the country to my original "home", Chicago. People always ask how I do it, how I can afford to travel like I do. The answer is simple. I give up a social life while I'm in the States and I live at my mom's house. I went to Chicago to work, live rent-free and save money to move to Oaxaca for six months. That was the plan for my second trip to Mexico, move to Oaxaca, perfect my Spanish and volunteer. There is a funny thing about plans though, humans make them while the universe laughs. I had been praying to the gods over and over to bring me life, love and excitement in Mexico. As usual, nothing ever happens the way you expect it and you should always be careful for what you wish.